Hello, my Love, and welcome back to Letters from Midlife, part of Midlife by Design: Curating Your Next Chapter Podcast.
I’m Kiran, and today I’m responding to a letter from one of our listeners, a woman who, like so many of us, is navigating that quiet, complicated middle ground between who she used to be and who she’s still becoming.
She writes:
“Lately, I don’t feel like myself. My confidence has taken a knock, my body is changing, my priorities are shifting, and things that once made me feel grounded don’t seem to fit anymore. Some days I look in the mirror and barely recognise the woman staring back. How do I start feeling like me again?”
Firstly, I want to say, I see you. This feeling is so much more common than we realise. For many women in midlife, this is the season where everything familiar starts to soften or fall away, the roles we’ve played, the identities we’ve built around others, even the reflection we see in the mirror. It’s not that we’ve lost ourselves. It’s that we’re meeting a new version of who we are.
Here’s the thing: change, even the kind we ask for, often comes with disorientation. Our bodies shift, our hormones fluctuate, our energy feels different, and so does our sense of purpose. The woman you were no longer fits quite right, but the woman you’re becoming hasn’t fully arrived yet. And that in-between space can feel uncomfortable, like you’re standing barefoot in the middle of a life that suddenly feels too small.
I know this feeling intimately. There was a season when I couldn’t find my rhythm, I’d lost the spark that made me feel most me. My routines felt hollow, my clothes didn’t feel like mine, and my inner voice was drowned out by self-doubt. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to “get back” to who I was that things started to shift. What I really needed was to reintroduce myself to the woman I was becoming.
So, if you’re feeling lost right now, here’s what I want you to know: you don’t need to fix or find the old version of you. She’s already done her part. What you’re really being invited to do is to create space for the next version of you, the one who’s softer, wiser, and braver than you realise.
Start small. Here are a few ways that helped me, and might help you too:
1. Reconnect with your body, not by changing it, but by listening to it. Instead of criticising what’s changing, get curious. What does your body need now, more rest, movement, nourishment, or stillness? Our bodies carry so much wisdom if we stop judging and start listening.
2. Reclaim your voice. Notice where you’ve been silencing yourself, saying yes when you mean no, or playing small to stay comfortable. Every time you choose truth over people-pleasing, you rebuild confidence brick by brick.
3. Rebuild your rituals. Sometimes the quickest way to feel like yourself again is through small, grounding rituals, the morning walk, lighting a candle before bed, journaling, stretching, or sitting quietly with your tea. Don’t underestimate the power of ordinary things done with intention.
4. Reframe your story. Confidence doesn’t come from pretending you’re the same woman you were at 35. It comes from honouring who you are at this age, from embracing your wisdom, your lived experience, your scars, and your softness. You’ve earned every line, every lesson, every ounce of who you’ve become.
And here’s a journaling prompt for you this week, if it resonates:
If I stopped trying to go back to who I was, what part of me could I finally welcome home?
Let that question sit with you. Write freely. Let your answers surprise you.
Because here’s what I know for sure: confidence isn’t about looking or feeling the same, it’s about coming home to yourself again, with tenderness, acceptance, and truth.
You haven’t lost yourself, my Love. You’re simply meeting the woman you were always meant to become.
Thank you to our listener for this beautiful, honest letter. If you’d like to send me a letter or voice note of your own, you can do so here. I’d love to hear from you.
And if you’d like more reflections and resources to support your own becoming, visit Kiransinghuk.com.
Until next time, remember this: be gentle with yourself in the becoming. You’re not behind, you’re unfolding.
Kiran x
Kiransinghuk.com | The Sattva Collective
